You called and ask me how I'm doin'. I don't know how I felt, I'm not excited nor devastated by your call, by our talk. There's a part of me saying I enjoyed it, and a part of me saying this meant nothing.

But this I know for sure, I didn't feel a tinge of pain in my heart on that moment, if I did, it's minimal and negligible.

So what does this mean? I think I'm finally getting over you. Unless you or I did something to turn this around, I can finally get on with my life with the someone I had.

Got home really late. Work. I know, sometimes I enjoy working overtime...but not this time. I'm really tired.

I'm in this roller coaster ride this past few weeks. There are times that I'm on this high and so happy about what I'm doing; then sometimes, something just pulls me down to the ground. Probably this job has taken it's toll on me. RIght now, I'm honestly considering finding a new job.

 Well, it's been a long time since I last wrote an entry. It's almost a year! You would think that I have different dealings right now, but you're kinda wrong and right.

   Feeling better, looking better, but you will always be on my mind.  Finding someone new, but I know, you will always be that person that I hoped I had.

   I wish I never let you go, but life must go on.

For a while now, I've done a lot of thinking and rethinking if I'm doing the right thing, if this was what I was really meant or born to do.

For an achiever when I was still studying, I don't think that my old self would approve of who I am  right now. I feel lost and tired sometimes, and even unappreciated, somehow I felt that my days at work were no fun. I'm not excited anymore, neither motivated nor happy, yes, bad signs! I know, and its sad because I used to love doing these things, but these past few days, or weeks (or months even) has really made me think…of certain things,

But then again, a single document somehow lifted me up a little, boosted my morale, and made me realize that probably this is my purpose in life, or if it is not, I should do my best and be the best, because that's the right thing to do, but that doesn't mean that my heart will stop searching or I will stop challenging mysel, and probably along the way, I'll meet up with myself.

in one of the forums, there was this question - Given only one choice - who would you choose, the one you love OR the one who loves you?

Yah, I know, this was an overused question, but i answered it anyway

For me - have chosen the one who loves you, well in this case, the one who loves me, because for me, it's easier to fall in love than to let other people fall for me...and probably i guess because I fear rejection. BUT that answer truly contradicts what I believe in, which was. I wouldn't settle for anyone less, for just anyone.

If would end up single for the rest of my life, I wouldn't care ,but one thing's for sure, they sure would be missing a lot, ;-)

So who would you choose?

I cannot say that I do not have them, but i'm trying to get my mind off the bad things,and try to focus on the positive results,

Yep,meeting you is one that I wish I could just have regretted,.but then again, if I would look closely,I have gained and learned a lot of things,met a lot of people,laughed more,had more fun memories, bigger than that of the pain that knowing you have caused.

I just have to forget that you ever existed,If I would just look at you closely,no matter how "perfect" you seem to be,there's one thing in you that I don't like,and I guess that one thing is big enough for me to stop blinding myself, and put you down from the pedestal that I put you on,it's enough for me to forget you,

But still,i'm thankful,because if not for you,I wouldn't have a lot of these things, memories, people that I have now,thanks,.and Goodbye,

But then again,i don't think i can ever forget you,i don't think that i can erase you from my mind,and from that small space that you occupied in my heart,so i just have to learn to live with it,live with the pain of seeing you each and every day even if i longed for more than just a glimpse,

I'll live,because I know that I grabbed onto someOne who will help me get through this pain,

Someday...